I am nearing the end of my trip and I am feeling such a kaleidoscope of emotions! I am longing for my bed, my love, and reliable internet; but I am feeling so much love for this place and the people. The ancient culture and their focus on self care, mediation, and inner peace is stunning. I will be returning home with a clearer understanding of who I am and where I see myself going. Also, a completely new prospective on dating and love!
Before I hop on my 16 hr flight, I wanted to address numerous messages I received about my June 7th post from Confused in Cincinnati, who thought her fiancé was going out for drinks with another woman and lying about it. This week's question addresses the bigger issue that Confused in Cincinnati brought up: Trust.------------
Dear Sara,
Lately, I've been having trust issues with my husband. It's not necessarily that he did anything to warrant them, it's just that a recent conversation took a turn down us talking about previous relationships and I asked him if he had ever cheated on anyone before. He said once in a previous relationship but that it was when he was much younger and more immature and that now he could never fathom doing something like that again. Here's the problem: I've been cheated on before and more than once. Ever since he told me this, suddenly everything he says or does looks like a coverup or looks suspicious. If he's looking at his phone and he smiles I wonder "is there another girl texting him?" If we're supposed to meet for dinner after work and he is running late I think "Was he with someone else? Is he lying?" I guess you could say I am textbook case for a wife with trust issues. He hasn't really done anything to deserve this, but I feel like I need to be open with him about how I feel; what should I do?
Jealous in Jersey
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Dear Jealous in Jersey,
This illusive idea of trust. How do you define trust? To me, it means I respect you as your own person and know that you respect me as my own person. Which quite simply put, I respect and love you and I know you will do the same for me. Do you believe your husband is a good and honest man? Then trust your gut and choose to push those nasty thoughts from your head. I am sure it is the stress and anxiety of your former lovers' infidelity that are rearing their ugly heads. You found a good one so allow yourself to be loved and respected by him.
I suggest you talk to him about his past and your past. I feel too many people avoid talking about past relationships because they don't want to make their partners feel bad or awkward, but we cannot erase our own history. We have to acknowledge that was who we used to be and the things our younger selves experienced shaped who are are today, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. Talk with him about it, start asking questions about his exes and his relationship history. If he loves you as much as it sounds like you love him, he will open up to you because he should see that you have questions and that you genuinely just want them answered so that you can put them to bed!
<3
Sara
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